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A young man sees both sides amidst racial violence while living with rejection due to his sexualityXavier "Chico" GarzaI come from Mexico, and was raised in Charleston, West Virginia. My parents were very dedicated to the Arts, and I experienced both wealth and poverty. At an early age, I was instilled with fear after almost drowning twice and having bigger kids beat me up and put sand in my mouth. I left Mexico and went to West Virginia. There Civil Rights tensions were high between Whites and Blacks. I remember in Jr. High School Whites were targeted on several occasions and riots broke out. Time had come for Blacks to empower themselves with "New Law" order. It was even common for White females to be beaten up because they were White. Being Mexican, I identified with the Black struggle, and by choice made intimate friends with Blacks. I ate and lived with them. I also went from one housing project to another. By age 15 I was almost raped, beaten up, and feared for my life. My parents couldn’t control me at this point. I developed a tremendous passion for Blacks. I did my best to know their struggle--This caused me to be targeted by whites. I often was called a "Nigger Lover" and a White classmate called me a "Spick". In those days you could still see a car decorated with KKK propaganda. I saw both sides of racism, as much as Whites hated Blacks--Blacks hated Whites. This hatred was so deep and by this time I tried harder for further acceptance of Blacks. I was often beaten up by classmates and the worst thing was that I was different, in being Mexican and started developing my sexual of preference. I was constantly teased and was called a faggot! I left West Virginia and moved to St. Louis, Missouri. I was so behind in school, and my school was 99.9% Black with only 2 White students. My first day of school I was called a derogatory Native American name and was asked if I had a tee-pee in my house. Violence was worse in this school. I was asked to buy a .357 Magnum Pistol, and saw a girl get stabbed in her breast. The only difference was that Blacks were against their own Black race. When I entered High School, security was very tight. We were fenced in and had security guards. Although I was accepted more in St. Louis because they thought I was mixed, I truly was an outsider looking into another form of violence. By then I was more unusual because I was Gay, Mexican, and had converted to Buddhism. All of this I kept secret. I went back to West Virginia more mature, calmer, and had a sense of purpose and a part-time job. Coming back to a segregated environment where Whites ate with Whites and Blacks ate with Blacks at the cafeteria, and because I was focused I stayed out of trouble even though I knew students from previous schools. I didn’t get swayed into school fights or racism. I truly felt secure in my self. One day in class I was called a "Faggot" in front of everyone. I retaliated and almost got into a fight. After lunch break, this individual along with his brother jumped me and beat me up with a bloody nose and I was shaken quite a bit. Surprisingly, other students didn’t jump me. By now I had began to start hating violence. I truly hated racism, homophobia, and any form of violence. After my parents separated in High School, I dropped out and came to San Francisco and became a reflection of my dysfunctional family. I abandoned my responsibility with my daughter, and in San Francisco found more challenges as I was homeless, jobless, and lived a life full of empty wishes. I had found myself as a Mexican, Gay, a Buddhist, but unfortunately violence followed me, and I was targeted twice at knifepoint, and was almost killed. As I matured, I started to approach a non-violence way and learned more Buddhist compassion principles. I now began to do my Inner (Human) Revolution to change myself to become a better person. I remember praying in deep thought to stop attracting violence and to rid myself of hatred towards others. Although I now had all odds against me to be hated for being Gay, Latino, and had acquired AIDS in 1989. My father and more than 60 of my friends have died of AIDS. Because my Buddhist practice helped me to understand that I had the potential to live my life to the fullest and to be optimistic, I have survived more than 10 years of AIDS. Yes, I have so many reasons to be bitter, but these challenges and sufferings in life have made me a responsible single father to my beautiful biracial daughter, and now live a beautiful life ready to help society to end war, adopt pluralistic values, and to follow my mentor’s goals in his pacifist promotion of peace, culture, and dialogue. I am a truly happy person. FBI Uniform Crime Reporting Section (Hate Crimes)
- 202.324.5015 |
