Affirmation Exercise

Purpose: To counteract the put-downs that life lays on us and to build self-esteem; to give people the experience of being affirmed and of the way that affirmation can make changes in people.

Time: 20 - 30 minutes

Sequence:

1. Explain why we are doing this exercise:
   1. To remind us that we are all of value
   2. To help us meet the put-downs society gives us
   3. It is affirming to listen and to be listened to
   4. To get over the idea that we are bragging or ego-tripping if we say good things about ourselves
   5. To build self-esteem and help us feel good about ourselves
   6. To feel the power of self-confidence so we can begin to transform conflicts

2. Explain the process: "The group will divide into pairs. Each person will talk for 3 minutes on 'What I like about myself.' The only rule is: You may not say anything negative or bad about yourself, including any negative limitations on the good things about yourself. You cannot, for instance, say that you are a good cook but you can't make gravy. When I call 'start,' A in each pair will begin talking to B. The facilitators will keep time and announce when the 3 minutes are up. Then B will talk for 3 minutes to A on the same subject. Then each introduces her/his partner to another pair."

3. Explain the role of the listener:
   1. Listen intensely, without talking, for the whole 3 minutes. If speakers say anything negative about themselves or put limits on their good points, you can interrupt to remind them.
   2. If speaker runs out of ideas before the three minutes are up, both parties remain silent unless the speaker gets some more ideas. No chatting.
   3. Use body language to show you are listening and to encourage the speaker.

4. Ask if everybody understands, and entertain questions.

5. Divide the pairs, reminding them to choose who will go -first.

6. Announce time to start. Call time after 3 minutes, and again after the second 3) minutes.

7. Ask each pair to visit another pair and introduce their partners to the new pair. Or, each person introduces partner to the whole group, using what they have learned.
   Regather in the whole group and ask "How did it go?" to invite expression of feelings and learning.

   Discussion Questions:

   Discuss difficulties you run into. Note taht anger usually produces a "you" statement. Note that judgments are there; they exist. Pretending they don't exist simply drives them underground.

   Note that judgments rest on assumptions. Try to clarify the assumptions. Clarify that other people are not obliged to act on assumptions they don't share.

   Be very clear that "I" statements will not work if what you really want to do is control the other person. If you want to clarify the problem and give both yourself and the other person a chance to be part of the solution, however, "I" statements can be very helpful.

   "I" statements, rightly used can be part of trusting and valuing both yourself and the other person.